What to Do If He Won’t Marry You

So the question on many women’s mind is “Why won’t my boyfriend marry me?” And the question on many guys minds is “Why do I have to MARRY this woman, we are together now.”

This article will provide a look at some different perspectives from both women and men’s point of view. There is no right or wrong way of looking at this, but by gaining some perspective we will be able to understand a little better where our partner is coming from. From that point we can choose if the differences in what we want are obstacles we are not willing to navigate, or we can reach an understanding.

Some guys hold out because they feel like they will be tied down, that is a simple excuse we all hear, but few guys want to admit. Yet there is also a growing contingent of people (woman and men) who don’t believe marriage needs to be part of a relationship. Marriage is a symbol of love, but it is not love itself, and that is often confused. Each person attaches different value to the “symbol”. Most people want love, but some view symbolizing it with marriage as a dilution of love. Possibly that someone beautiful, love, is being made into something legal and/or religious, which is not very romantic for some people.

It should also be noted that there is also a growing contingent of men and women who believe marriage is a failed institution – demonstrated by mass divorce and no real respect for the traditions in marriage. A partner may feel that marriage is simply an invitation to a rough road ahead – divorce. No one plans to get divorced when they are talking about marriage, but looking around at the society we are in, divorce is prevalent and none of them thought they would get divorced either. On this point it is important to talk with your partner and see if there are fears such these present based on personal experiences, insights or upbringing. In this way, the partners can do some research and really dig down to see why their relationship is likely to last (or if they even want it to?).

While we can’t know what our partners true thoughts are on this, it is important to ask the probing questions. If this is someone you want to marry anyway, these hard questions need to be asked of our partner and also of our self. We need to ask: If you love him/her do you need him/her to marry you, or is love enough? And then ask, if he/she loves you should he/she be considerate of your desires? Which answer resonates more with you?

Here are some additional thoughts, and I will use a personal voice. Even though I do believe love is what matters, and not the symbol (marriage), if I love someone and they really wanted to marry I would be fine with it. I have my love and she has the love and symbol for it. We both get what what we want, and if I love her that is likely a step I would take. If he says marriage just a piece of paper, but marriage is important to you, then the rebuttal is right there… “If it is just a piece of paper, why does it matter so much to him?” But also it is not just a piece of paper to you if it is important. That piece of paper represents something and couples need to discuss with each what it is marriage represents to them. If he or she can’t talk about what marriage represents to them, they are not ready to get married, plain and simple!

Ultimately you need to decide if marriage is a must for you. And when you decide, you need to let him (or her) know and make them make a choice. If a couple has been together for a long time, he has already shown his choice by not acting, but maybe a little push or discussion will bring him around. We all have fears, so bringing them out in the open may be all that is required.

Marriage requires more than just love though, so it is important to discuss candidly what marriage is about for each of you, why your relationship will last, and what you are doing to do to keep that flame burning.

Marriage is not for everyone, and we all must accept that. If you are with someone that has very different views than you, you can’t assume you will change their mind, instead you need to decide what you are going to do and how you feel. This is your life and you need to decide if you want to spend your life pushing for something someone else won’t give, or if you want to give up the pushing and just enjoy what it is, or if it is time to move on to someone who can provide you with what you want.